Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
