You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
