Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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