Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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