He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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