It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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