someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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