U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What a dumb baby whore.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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