Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
