no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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