having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
