i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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