my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
