I'm going to jail i love you
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
