wanna go halves on a baby?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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