Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
