Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize