I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
