you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
