swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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