i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
