this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize