Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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