I am puke
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
