i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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