oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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