I'm so fucking centered right now
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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