debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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