Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
