UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
