God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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