I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
