that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
