u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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