she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
