I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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