three words: i give head
three words: not that well
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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