He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
