I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
