i think my tv is drunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
