I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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