he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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