so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
