how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
