tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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