Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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