I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
how does that bad decision feel?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
