I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
