Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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