i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
