I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
