Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
