i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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