my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
