Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize