I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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