I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
