there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
