If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
