Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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