i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?