I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
