I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
