what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
