I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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