I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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