the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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