What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
