The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
