I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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