he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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