at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
