Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
