just come out here and I will go home with you...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
