The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
