It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
