You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
