when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
