I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
