....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
