In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
