So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
