Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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