Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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